Whenever there is a disaster, natural or otherwise, in the world, it does a curious thing – it brings out the best in us. All of us stop for a moment, don’t we, and feel a mixture of gratitude that we and our loved ones are safe, and sorrow for those suffering from the earthquake, tsunami, bushfire, flood, hurricane – or most recently the tragedy in Paris.

It’s then that our natural compassion comes to the fore. And yet, curiously, compassion, the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others, is not necessarily as readily available to us at other times. In our ordinary, everyday lives it seems as if (on the face of it) we have less need of compassion than at those times of crisis, be they family, community, or world-wide.

Deepak Chopra writes in his book Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul of the Tibetan Buddhist monks who developed ‘compassionate brains’ as the result of practicing a meditation on compassion, thereby transforming a spiritual quality into physical manifestation, erasing the split between body and soul.

To become compassionate, or more compassionate takes practice (as does every emotion, both good and bad). It’s not good enough to just think about being compassionate, or even learn about it, it’s about somehow rewiring the brain so you walk in other people’s shoes. Growth is exponential, as we begin to feel and practise compassion in one area of our lives, it begins to flow into other areas.

How do you practice something you can’t see? It’s not like riding a bicycle exactly, but curiously the steps are very much the same. You choose to be genuinely interested in compassion, you pursue your interest spontaneously – choosing for instance to feel compassion instead of critical towards someone whom you believe has slighted or behaved badly towards you. You stick with the practice until you get good at.

One of the ways to cultivate compassion is to try feeling compassionate for yourself – which, when you stop and think about it is much easier said than done. In fact, it’s downright difficult to be compassionate about what may seem afterwards to be obvious mistakes we’ve made, and yet if we can’t feel true compassion towards ourselves how can we feel it towards others?

Children, of course, can swing between compassion and sympathy, between cruelty and scorn in a millisecond, but as we grow up our ability to be compassionate is often diminished by what we perceive to be condemnation towards us, and by the time we are adults, our natural compassion has got buried under a ton of beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.

But when disasters strike – manmade, as in Paris, or through the sheer force of nature – compassion becomes a natural response, and thank goodness for that.

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A morning walk turns into a journey of discovery for Verandah Magazine’s resident psychic and medium Liz Winter.

One morning, in a reflective mood, I walking  down the street during the mundane, routine hours of a working day – I could almost say my body walked my soul, when I began to study the faces that passed by me.

When you really start to look at the people passing you, it’s an interesting process, and, sad to say, there not that many happy faces.  Some people passed me by with faces like stone, some had paper thin tight smiles, others seemed so distant and vague it was as if there was  no one home.

But then I saw a woman kiss a dog and a mother bend down to comfort her crying child…and suddenly I had a thought: Do we all wonder at some point in our lives, who is going to love us?

When we know we are loved our world brightens, when we know we are loved, our challenges seem easier, when we know we are loved we find strength we didn’t know we had. But can we depend on others to love us at all times? Unconditional love is rare, even from parent to child.  So where can we turn to for those inevitable occasions when we feel unloved, unwanted or misunderstood?

My love of spiritual matters has often been my source of love when human love seems to have temporarily deserted me.  Feeling a warmth from the ‘other side’ in a form of a sign, a vision, a dream or a message has  been like a blanket of comfort more than once in my life.

However, as I’m ageing, and entering my ‘wise woman’ years, (I hope) it is clear to me that the most powerful love is self love. Self love, once you’ve connected to it, is always on tap and never lets you down.  Now, when I wake in the morning, I kiss my own shoulder, (because it’s easy to reach) hug my body and say to myself, ‘Liz, you are so special and you rock.’  Funnily enough, once we do own that self love, others seem to offer their love freely and frequently, which leads me to the inevitable conclusion so many people have written and spoken about – self love is a magnet.  In the manner of the Law of Attraction, you attract what you project.  If you project self-love more love will come.

And the best thing?  You can love yourself anywhere, all the time, any time.  It takes very little effort once you’ve got started, it’s absolutely free and when you’re brimming with self-love you’ll be amazed at how everybody around you will feel happy in your company – even the passers-by in the street are likely to smile!

Here are some guidelines and tips I took from the Queen of self love – Louise Hay;

12 Commandments to help you learn how to love yourself:

Stop All Criticism.
Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive Yourself.
Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don’t Scare Yourself.
Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle and Kind and Patient.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind to Your Mind.
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself.
Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself.
Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives.
Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body.
Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Do Mirror Work.
Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, “I love you, I really love you!”

Love Yourself . . . Do It Now.
Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.’                                Louise L Hay

There really is no need to wait for love to find you, it’s already there.

Liz Winter has been a medium and spiritual development teacher for over 25 years.  Liz is a Medium, Reiki Master/Healer, Angel Therapist, Spiritual Teacher, Author and Qualified Counsellor. To contact Liz go to her website: lizwinter

You can purchase Liz’s memoir from Amazon here: LoveofSpirit  You can read Barry Eaton’s review of Liz’s book here: verandahmagazine.following-path-spirit/

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