About four years ago I came across some fascinating information: apparently all newly born babies and all newly dead people have immensely high levels of DMT, (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) an illegal but natural psychedelic, in their systems. Enough samples have been taken to deduce that this applies to absolutely all of us. As I have obviously already been born, the birth side of things wasn’t the more interesting part to me, but the fact that I am, unfortunately, going to experience death meant I was intrigued.

Now in my sixties, I’d been thinking for a while that perhaps it was time to get to try to come to grips with the whole question of dying and what comes afterwards and to me this looked like a good way in. After all there could be worse ways to begin and end your life – and so began a phase of my life that continues to this day: research into DMT, which I also see as also research into myself.

DMT is a compound that occurs naturally in our bodies, evidently made in the pineal gland right in the centre of our brains. It is a structural analog of serotonin and melatonin, and a functional analog of other psychedelic tryptamines. Normally it is present in very low concentrations but in times of stress or potentially dangerous situations —such as imminent death—it floods into the brain at very high levels. It is manufactured by our brain and we self-dose if we believe we might be about to die. Extraordinary.

DMT is the chemical basis for pretty well all other psychedelics like psilocybin or magic mushrooms, peyote, mescaline and most others. It’s a pretty amazing discovery: when we die our brains give us a full on psychedelic trip.  Move over Don Juan.

I began by reading some seminal works, the first one being ‘The Spirit Molecule’ by Dr Rick Strassman, detailing how he obtained funding for a scientific laboratory study of the effects of DMT in varying doses on the human being – in this case volunteers. As soon as the DMT wore off, within 20-30 minutes, the subjects were questioned and answers written down and collated. Another certainty began to emerge – when DMT wears off there is no physical after effect, no ‘come down’, it is completely non-toxic.

More strange things came to light. For example, the human foetus in the womb receives a dose of DMT at exactly 49 days. All foetuses, always. What does this mean? Well the Tibetan Book of the Dead­­—a sort of manual as to how reincarnation happens according to the Tibetan understanding of these things – states that the soul enters the foetus at exactly…you guessed it, 49 days!

So could it be that as we incarnate into and out of this physical world we get a dose of DMT to enable the transition. I started to see that DMT is a compound that our body, or our organism uses to enable the transition between states. The state of life, the state of death – DMT is a transition mechanism.

I finally determined to get hold of some DMT and try it for myself. It is considered a class A or schedule 1 drug by most western countries, right on a par with heroin, cocaine and meth-amphetamine which seems harsh to say the least. Around this time I found that the two main ways of taking it are as a regular drug, either smoked or injected, or in ceremony as Ayahuasca. I found that Ayahuasca has a long history amongst some South American Amazonian countries like Peru, with their Shamans having used used it for thousands of years in healing ceremonies.

Ayahuasca is a brew of several plants with high DMT levels and includes Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOI’s) which are chemicals that prevent the monomine oxidase enzyme in our stomachs breaking DMT down before it can have any effect, which they do really fast. So if you eat some, perhaps inadvertently, and nothing happens, the MIO’s have done their job, and as DMT is naturally present in many plants and animals this is necessary. The several plants are all brewed together and then consumed in an Ayahuasca ceremony, the effect lasting for several hours rather than the 20-30 minutes if smoked or injected.

I decided to put out feelers in the local community to see if I could acquire some DMT but nothing happened for quite some time. Then I heard of someone who could get some. It couldn’t be bought – it was only gifted. Eventually a friend obtained a little lump that looked rather like the gum from a fir tree but less sticky. We met up at his house with his wife who had offered to watch over us in case of any dramas and with a little pipe we were ready to go. He smoked first, passed the pipe back and leant back on the lounge. My turn.

I had already decided to take a really good dose. I noticed from Dr. Strassman’s research that lower levels of DMT merely produced euphoria in increasing amounts, but nothing radical. However, as soon as a high enough dose was administered all subjects entered a completely different condition, but only when this level was reached. So I took two deep inhalations and passed the pipe back.

And immediately I seemed to fall out of regular reality into another world.

It was completely familiar. I remembered this place quite clearly. Where from I didn’t know, but I knew I had been there before. I was moving through space without any physical feeling but a lot was going on around me. There were visions, colours and light and a sense of travelling. I wanted to go to the source rather than be distracted and as I ‘passed’ levels there was a sense of fun and humour in the offerings of possible sexual pleasure or massive wealth, but I was determined that there should be no distractions and so I moved on until I came I arrived at a plateau past every level of everything.

There was silence and then a huge eye rather like the Aztec or eastern symbolic eye that I have seen in mythical painting appeared in front of me. It was alive and seemed to regard me in a slightly abstract way. No words, but there was a feeling almost like ‘What are you doing here?’ I didn’t know…

At one point I could see a long string of lifetimes below me strung like nodules or pearls on a string and I knew that they were lives I had lived or even might be going to live – scores of them. And then there was a view of other dimensions or worlds that I could see into, but as I moved towards them I realized that I didn’t know if I entered them whether I would be able to return, so I held back.

Some time after that I gradually became aware of the room and of music playing. I opened my eyes and could see my friend’s lounge room but when I closed my eyes the other world re-imposed itself. I oscillated between the worlds for a while and progressively the regular world got more defined and I was back ‘here’.

It was over. It had taken 25 minutes and it was me again in this world with no echoes of the other that I had just travelled through. I wasn’t tired although I was quite affected by what had happened. We went for a walk outside and discussed our experiences. I knew that not only had I been somewhere real but that I had been there before. It was a different ‘place’ to the one we inhabit now but no less tangible. It might sound odd but the experience was totally authentic.

I read further and continued to process what had happened. My readings suggested that the next step was the full Ayahuasca journey or ceremony. Although many people had journeyed to Peru to seek Shamans and Ayahuasca where it was part of a long healing tradition and completely legal, it was also beginning to be established in the West as local people, some of whom had Shamanic training in Peru, began to set up their own local circles to explore the brew. It is a booming phenomenon globally with stories occurring regularly in mainstream media of people participating in Ayahuasca ceremonies all over the world.

Pablo Amaringo: Ayahuasca Ceremony.

This is an extremely important point with Ayahuasca: it is to be taken in ceremony with a Shaman or at least someone experienced in the ceremony to moderate and shape it. It is not a recreational drug – the ceremonial setting is implicit in the contact with the nature spirits and entities that many people experience and the issues that may arise in each person to be dealt with.

After a few months I made a connection. To experience an Ayahuasca ceremony you need to be invited to the circle, for obvious reasons of confidentiality. I spoke with someone who had been in ceremony locally and she recommended me to the facilitator. I received an email inviting me with some available dates, chose one and then was sent instructions as to what to avoid in my diet the week before the ceremony. I showed up at the address at the appointed time and the next stage of my research began.

The ceremony was carefully ordered, smoke from some herbs was ritually waved all around our bodies as we entered the temple room, invocations were made, songs sung, a sense of respect and anticipation pervaded the group. After some basic house keeping instructions we expressed our intentions aloud one by one and were called up to get our dose of the brown liquid. We had been warned that it is a foul tasting concoction but I found it quite palatable. I downed it in one swallow then back to my place in the circle, got comfortable and waited for something to happen. We were all directed to have our own experience and not interact with each other during the ceremony.

During the intention setting I had asked: “Who am I and what should I do with the rest of my life?” so I sat with that and meditated, focusing on my breathing.

After a while I forgot what I was doing, immersed in my breath and suddenly became aware that everything had changed. I was acutely aware of my consciousness and noticed colours and patterns swirling around the room, so I closed my eyes. Then there was a presence, an entity who was inside me and outside at the same time. We were in communication without words. She was immense and incredibly powerful but gentle at the same time. I could feel that she was conscious of me, we were in a place together. The intention that I had set sort of rose up, not in words but in awareness, if that makes any sense.

Who am I?  Immediately it was answered: You are my lover, remember? Memories clicked into place. I was indeed her lover. I had always been. I remembered and it was unbelievably wonderful to recollect.

What should I do with the rest of my life?

Love me. In everyone and every situation I will be there.

These words I am awkwardly attempting to recreate here were not really the communication – it was simply a oneness in which were we were exchanging ‘thoughts’ which weren’t thought. Questions arose in me, a series of things that welled up from inside were answered immediately with an understanding that seemed to come from an eternal place.

Time passed and a second cup of the brew was offered. Music, aromas, colours and sounds varied from intense to gentle. Beautiful songs were played that expressed the immensity that we were experiencing, throwing light on some of the things that occurred in the journey that I was undertaking.

Eventually, hours later things were returning to ‘normal’. The effect of the brew was wearing off and apart from fantastic colours, sounds and other visual effects that continued quietly for some hours, the ceremony was over. The circle was brought to a close and we left the temple for the main house where soup, bread and warmth awaited.

In the morning we shared our experiences. Many people had life changing realisations and made major break-throughs. Some had found it difficult or challenging, some just had a good time.

So what has this period of research into Ayahuasca and DMT shown me? Well, I am now definitely unafraid of dying. I am in no hurry to get there and won’t pretend that there isn’t some little apprehension, but it is minor. I feel a connection with the entity inside me in a real way – she is there all the time even though I may not be aware of her. She isn’t really a ‘she’ but an immense all-powerful divinity, sort of gender-neutral but manifesting as She, Mother Earth or Gaia much of the time. Known as La Madre — the Mother — by the Ayahuasca fraternity.

I know that I am, as the saying goes, ‘a spiritual being having a physical experience’. It will eventually end but something else will occur, of that I am certain. For this knowledge, obtained experientially rather than being taught intellectually, I am very grateful. Completing an Ayahuasca ceremony has been extremely positive and helpful in my personal development, but is certainly not to be taken lightly.

It’s not called ‘The Work’ for nothing.

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