Verandah Magazine’s resident strategic mentor and business coach points out the absurdity of judging someone by what they do, and suggests we should all stand up and be counted for everything we are…

“What do you do?” In my opinion these four words have a lot to answer for.

Suddenly, all sorts of associations and assumptions start firing in our memory, based on personal experience with others or on societal conditioning. Often what we attach to the answer has little to do with the actual person standing in front of us. The poor bystander is in our mental firing line and we can’t stop the attachments that are already causing certain automatic responses, and yet all this person has done is answer a simple question and state their profession.

Whatever our profession, when we ask somebody what they do, the majority of us all react in a similar manner – whether the answer is tradesman, lawyer, nurse, dentist, teacher or politician. We determine the standing of that person in society, their salary range, the type of house they might live in, the car they might drive, suburb they live in, what they eat, wear and how they may enjoy life. All this happens in a few seconds as we unconsciously, grab, dissect and process information. In just a few moments we have decided who this person standing in front of us is and yet we are all so much more that what we do.

So much of our identity comes through our profession – but why? Why need to place each other in boxes? Are we really trying to open a dialogue and find out more about the other person, or are we simply asking an habitual question that helps us determine the hierarchy of where we fit in, so that we can feel safe or know how to protect ourselves?

There is so much more to each of us than a job that used to define us. Next time you are asked: “What do you do?” why not share some other aspects of what you do and give a well-rounded and honest answer that encapsulates the fullness of who you are? Answer: I am a partner, lover, sister, dog walker, cat cuddler, cook, runner, swimmer, artist, author, amateur photographer, cyclist, gardener, cleaner, speaker…meditator, hostess, movie watcher, strategic consultant, , and I do many other things too. How about you?

Diffusing the power we place on profession is one way to redirect the conversation. Or you can simply bring the actual question “What do you do?” into relationship and ask: “Why would you like to know?”, and see what happens from here. The conversation may abruptly end, which means neither of you need to waste further time with pleasantries OR you might for the first time have a real conversation. Both are perfect.

Sonia Friedrich is a Mentor and Strategic Consultant to Multimillionaires and Business Owners. She’s launched a new DVD that you can download or stream or purchase as a hardcopy – How to Set Fees and Terms – for Consultants and Service Providers. If you would like to find out more visit www.soniafriedrich.com.

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It’s true to say that most of us find ourselves distracted from the main game at various times during our day, writes Verandah Magazine’s resident business mentor, Sonia Friedrich, of our habit of creating our own WMD’s.

I think everybody would recognise that unless you have the ability to be robotically focussed, you are likely to get distracted often – by phone calls, e-mails, Facebook, texts, tweets, children, spouse, neighbours and conversations from people who drop in and ask for a moment of your time. “Just one more thing” is the phrase that makes our eyes roll. We know there will be just another, and then another!

Then there are WMD’s – the Weapons of Mass Distraction – we invite in because we want to delay the inevitable and prefer to procrastinate before getting on with the difficult project ahead or the next goal we’ve set for ourselves. There are so many reasons we use to justify our procrastination.

WMD’s take time, energy and space. If you really had to calculate the minutes, hours or days of WMD’s you allow in one week of your life, it would probably be extremely surprising. Try and observe your distraction habits and see what you find. I ask you to simply become aware. Take it one hour at a time. Each time you allow a distraction acknowledge to yourself that is exactly what you’ve welcomed in. Take the time to break the WMD down. Through this you make unconscious and habitual behaviour conscious. From here change can occur. Regarding the WMD, ask yourself:

• Has it helped you?
• Did you allow the distraction to avoid feeling something? If so, what?
• Did you enjoy the distraction?
• Was it necessary?
• What would you have achieved without it?
• Were there any consequences that you didn’t need because of it?
• Did it escalate into a web of distractions?
• Was there someone else involved, or did you initiate it?
• How much time did it end up taking out of your day?

It’s time to minimise your WMD’s and some simple techniques can help:

1. Whenever someone calls or knocks on your office door, WMD’s are heading your way. If you can’t say: “I’m not available”then say: “I’ve really only got a minute I have an urgent project to finish”. Give them one minute and cut them off. This is not a lie. The urgent project is called self-protection and getting on with your life. You are defending yourself against the verbal artillery that is about to fire at you and launch in your direction and leave collateral damage.
2. Whenever you hear gossip – disengage.
3. Unsubscribe from those e-mails that you don’t look at yet they fill your inbox. Do it as soon as they arrive. Each day you leave them is another minute of WMD artillery gathering and clouding over you.
4. Un-tick the “receive e-mail” from all your LinkedIn Groups.
5. Give Facebook, LinkedIn – or any other social media – a designated time once a day. Then allocate 5-10 minutes for them as a scheduled break. Make sure these are not the times of day when you are at peak performance.

1. E-MAIL: When you are working on a project keep your e-mail closed so you don’t get pulled to check e-mails as you see them arrive. Respond to e-mail at low productivity times or when you are giving yourself a 15 minute ‘rest’ between what you are doing and the next project.
2. PHONE – turn it off. Seriously what’s that urgent? A death or accident is urgent. Turn your phone off for hours at a time and then check it and respond accordingly.
3. MOVE – If someone is a WMD for you, then move away from them. Go for a walk or find another space to work that enables you to finish what you need to have completed. If you can’t move away from them, wear headphones. They are a physical barrier to anyone attempting to take your space, time and energy.
4. DECLUTTER – taking the time to get rid of clutter is actually not a distraction. It can be the best clearing and use of your time to free up what you keep shuffling around. Allocate at least two hours a week (if not a day) to declutter. Feel the energetic shift as you eliminate the old and make space for the new.
5. BREATHE – Take a few deep breaths, relax and focus on what you really need to do right now. A few seconds of meditation can easily get you aligned and back on track.
6. SELF-SOOTHING WMD’s. Become aware when you turn to your addictions as self-inflicted distractions from being with your feelings. Face what is really happening in your life. Identify your addictions and add them to the list of WMD’s. Add to the list. It’s time to turn your WMD’s into WMC’s – Weapons of Mass Creation.

Sonia Friedrich is a mentor, author and speaker. She has worked for Fortune 500 companies and helped create markets and build brands worth up to $250 million in Australia & New Zealand. She recently launched her book ‘11 Steps to Healing – for Multimillionaires and Business Owners’.

Visit soniafriedrich for more.

BUY 11 Steps to Healing here: $29.95 + p&h
lulu.comsonia+friedrich

Book Review by Barry Eaton here
verandahmagazine.healing-hand-business-owners

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Verandah Magazine’s resident business mentor, author and speaker Sonia Friedrich turns the torchlight on her corporate career, and finds that it was not all that she had imagined it was.   Ask yourselves the uncomfortable questions, she writes, and you may not like the answers but the process can transform your life.

Recently it came to my attention that questions I was asking myself about the lessons I had learned during my corporate career were having a profound impact on my life. If I was to be truthful with myself the answers were confronting. One of the most uncomfortable questions of all was to ask myself if I had ever prostituted myself during the course of my career.

Naturally, the question isn’t about whether I was a lady of the night, or getting paid for services rendered by selling my body. The question was:

Was I a woman of the day selling my Self and my Soul for money?

My first response was: “No way, you’ve got to be kidding.” Then, when my ego stepped aside, I chose to take a closer look. My interest was piqued to discover if I was living with the integrity I had prided myself upon. It was time to hear an honest reply. But when I asked the question again, the answer was clear – ‘Yes’, my inner voice told me, I had sold myself during the course of my career.

In fact, when I thought about it, it was laughable that I’d believed that I hadn’t sold myself. Through the archetypal profile of the Prostitute, which we all hold, I came to understand a core element of my own life that I had chosen. I had never grasped that I was selling myself in the process. I was proud of my job, the company and my achievements and vocal in supporting them. I did this for years on end. Until I stopped.

Survival I learned was too easy an excuse and my definition of survival was a First World version. The justifications flooded in. I needed to eat, pay the bills, pay rent, then my mortgage, buy clothes etc. I did it to keep my job and to get promoted. There were plenty of reasons. My heart sank deeper and deeper. I had bought the bulls#@t and sold my soul willingly for years. But now that I knew, was it o.k to continue? Absolutely not.

Looking back, I was in daily situations at work where people treated each other poorly; where money was squeezed out of every client with the sole aim of making more money; where my integrity was compromised by colleagues; where my integrity was compromised by myself; where I helped build new markets and manipulate the masses for corporate gain; where people were belittled, where numbers and statistics and ‘facts’ were used to communicate perceived truths; where people lied; where some salivated in their seeking of revenge; where clients were ridiculed behind their back and of course, never to their face. And this was in corporate environments held in high regard within industry because they were number one in their field. The conditioned societal expectation – read exploitation – of the Self (our norm), through work is brainwashing of the highest fundamental merit. Yes, they paid me well, when I fought for it. My corporate pimps sold a compelling story and I loved the hit.

My soul never gave up. It fought long and hard to be heard. It took volcanic bellowing from within with an instant requirement for resignations. “I just can’t do this anymore”, my inner Self cried. Finally I woke up. I had sold myself in the corporate world for too long and no matter what I was paid, it wasn’t enough.

Perhaps it’s time to check in with your heart and soul and listen for the answers:

• Where am I, or when have I been a corporate prostitute? In other words selling your intellect, services, skills, integrity, word, morals, time, body, soul or life? Where and when do you feel used and compromised by other people’s agendas?
• Where am I, or when have I been a corporate pimp? Where have you used others (employees, peers, clients, customers, suppliers) and been able to justify reasons for doing it?

The lure of money and power is attractive, magnetic and addictive. So much so, most of us compromise ourselves for money and/or power for our entire lives.

When you see situations where you are about to prostitute yourself again ask “Is it worth it?” Is it worth losing your integrity, morals, time or soul yet again?

The first step is to say “No.” This can be the most frightening thing of all. But do it once and magic happens – your power returns and as you show up, so does the Universe. Removing yourself from these debilitating situations will restore your energy, power and sense of Self. From today make your choice – act with integrity and self love and begin to make choices that support you, and your true self.

Sonia Friedrich is a mentor, author and speaker. She has worked for Fortune 500 companies and helped create markets and build brands worth up to $250 million in Australia & New Zealand. She recently launched her book “11 Steps to Healing – for Multimillionaires and Business Owners”.

Visit soniafriedrich for more.

BUY 11 Steps to Healing here: $29.95 + p&h
lulu.comsonia+friedrich

Book Review by Barry Eaton here
verandahmagazine.healing-hand-business-owners

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Barry Eaton, from Radio Out There, reviews Verandah Magazine’s columnist Sonia Friedrich’s new book, and finds it a practical roadmap for healing…

                  11 Steps to Healing, by Sonia Friedrich  (self-published: soniafriedrich)

Healing in the business world is normally associated with getting your bank balance in order, or perhaps soldiering on while recovering from the flu.

This very simply written book puts healing and business success firmly in the personal sector whether you own the business or work for a boss. Taking problems out of the administrative basket and working with them through their emotions and intuition will come as a wake-up call for most people.

Sonia Friedrich’s 25-year corporate career covers advertising and marketing roles in Fortune 500 companies. It is refreshing to see a mainstream business consultant encouraging her readers to be honest enough with themselves to admit whether they are leading an authentic life.

I particularly liked the chapter posing the question of how many happy years you have left in this lifetime. It comes with an easy formula for self-analysis. Sadly, many people just exist in their daily life – happiness doesn’t come into the picture. However, the choice is yours, if you are prepared to make the necessary changes recommended by Friedrich.

Sonia Friedrich, author of ’11 Steps to Healing’.

It is no coincidence that the following chapter is ‘Stop Lying to Yourself’. We all indulge in this pastime and I was surprised to see how this affects everyone, whether they are lying consciously or just avoiding the truth.

There are many self-help books filling the shelves of bookshops all around the world, but I was particularly impressed by the advice to business people to listen to their intuition and also to their body. A simple exercise demonstrating how the body constantly sends us messages is an invaluable guide for those who ignore these messages.

By reading this book and acting on the information it contains could not only help people heal their business problems, but also inspire others to find their real purpose in life.

For small business owners on a tight budget, the exercises it contains would also be a valuable staff training aid.

However this is a book that can help all manner of people whether you are in corporate life, or just trying to deal with life.

11 Steps to Healing is available at Soulife Byron Bay, Mary Ryan’s bookshop Byron Bay, and online from  soniafriedrich

Barry Eaton is an author, broadcaster and host of RadioOutThere

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 Two weeks into the New Year is the perfect time to visualize exactly what you want your life to look in twelve months time, writes Sonia Friedrich.

Here’s a question – how would you like to be living your life, in twelve months’ time?

With New Year just around the corner, 2015 seems like the perfect year to get life back on track. Have you ever really stopped to listen to the deep yearning of your soul?

Each year many of us pull out a piece of paper and write numerous resolutions and goals. The pressure starts before we even begin. Many are based on what we believe we are meant to do or what others tells us. They are not based on what we truly desire. Feeling pressure around them is a sure sign something is not right. When true you will feel inspired, in-flow, self-love and a return to energy and life force. Of course you might feel some nervous excitement too as you finally allow yourself to live what you want.

This guided visualisation will give you a clear picture of the life you would truly like to be living in 12 months’ time. Know you have every reason to live it.

Ask a person you trust to help

While it is possible to do this exercise on your own I suggest that you ask a close friend or partner to guide you through it. Alternatively you can record the visualisation and listen back. Where possible voice record your answers to ensure you capture everything. Often the small details can have the biggest impact on your life. Otherwise write out your answers.

Find a place where you will not be disturbed, where you can relax and feel comfortable. Ask the person to guide you slowly and deliberately. They are not to comment on any answers, they are simply here to facilitate a journey for you and to respect and create your sacred space.

Visualisation – Your ideal life in twelve months

Close your eyes and be comfortable. Relax and breathe. Let everything go. Release any tension you are holding. Take another deep breath. As you breathe, focus on your heart. Feel yourself return to your heart and reconnecting with your soul. All your answers lie here. Rest in the deep love you have for yourself.

There is a reason you are here on the planet. You have a definite purpose. You are meant to live this purpose. It is a calling from within that is waiting for you to hear her / him. You sometimes feel anxious or fractured because you are not living aligned to your calling. However now you are going to listen clearly and commit to hearing your call.

You are standing outside and see an elevator. Walk towards the elevator and press the button to go down. When the doors open go inside. On your left is a panel of buttons. Press the button for minus seven. You are going down seven floors. When the lift doors close, you wait patiently and feel relaxed. You have travelled down seven floors. The doors open and as, you see a garden. Notice everything you see. Take a moment to absorb it all. Where are you? What are the trees like? How is the air blowing? Notice the sky, the flowers, the scents, the sounds, what is on the ground? See the birds and butterflies. This is your sacred garden. In front of you is a chair. You move towards it. Notice how you walk. Is it slow, fast, or do you run? What is your energy like? You sit on the chair and take a breath. This is your magical chair. When you sit on it, here you connect to your soul and your sacred self.

What are the trees like? How is the air blowing? Imagine yourself in a sacred garden…

Imagine it is twelve months from now. You have had an amazing year and you are very grounded in everything that you have achieved. Everything you have wanted has come into your world. Your dreams effortlessly came true. Your confidence is restored and you trust and believe all of who you are. You no longer question anything you desire. You trust the universe. You have found your purpose and for the last 12 months you have lived it. What does your life look like? Share every aspect of what you visualise. What are you doing for work? How is it manifesting? Who is in your work life? Who else do you see? What are your relationships like? Who else is in your world? Where are you living? What do the surrounds of your home look like? Has anything inside or outside changed? How do you spend your leisure time? Who is there with you? How are your finances? What are you doing for spiritual growth? Is there anything else that is happening in your life.

See everything in as much detail as possible. Ask for further clarity if you need.

When you are finished take a deep breath, relax and come back to your body. Open your eyes. How do you feel?

Know this is the picture of your life you are meant to live 12 months from now. You can.

Sonia Friedrich is a mentor to business executives who wish to change their life. She has recently released 11 Steps to Healing – For Multi-Millionaires & Business Owners. Visit soniafriedrich for more.

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