Number of Americans shot by their own dogs in the past five years? Six. Robert Drewe examines the tragic consequences of ever-increasing US gun ownership.
Did you see this news item out of America the other day? In the first four months of this year alone, 23 Americans were shot by toddlers. All those one, two and three-year-olds picked up their parents’ guns and shot either Mum or Dad or their siblings — or themselves.
In the same time-frame, guess how many Americans were shot by Muslim terrorists. Actually, none. Is something out of kilter here? Maybe Donald Trump should change his emphasis and crack down on the under-fours.
A Washington Post analysis found that toddlers were finding guns and shooting people at a rate of more than one a week. In five consecutive days in April, four infants killed themselves with handguns, and two killed their mothers. And will something be done about these tragedies? Will the relevant US authorities see reason, and act accordingly? What do you think?
Is it just me or is the world becoming increasingly absurd? Every morning when I sit down at the laptop and peruse my home page’s increasingly Kardashian-esque news stories I’m struck by events, facts and incongruities that defy reason.
But it’s not only tragically irrational actions (or appalling non-action) that grab the attention lately. So do other across-the-board absurdities.
Whereas inventors once aspired to invent things that solved problems, the geniuses behind the latest inventions in the on-line marketplace have taken things a step further by inventing the problems.
Browsing Amazon’s comprehensive product range, I was interested to see the Digital Universal Pedestal Stand with Retina Display and Roll Holder – a toilet-roll holder that’s also an iPad stand. (Not in my bathroom, it isn’t.) And the One Click Stick Butter Cutter — because what else could you possibly use to cut a slab of butter? (A knife. You could use a knife.)
Or, of course, there’s always a knife.
Then there’s the Tea-Boy Penguin Tea Timer. This invention does the heavy lifting for you by pulling your teabag out of your cup after one, two or 20 minutes. And the Deluxe Wine-Glass Stubby Holder, an odd-looking overcoat that forces you to hold your wine glass by the stem so your hand doesn’t over-heat the wine.
But for those folk desperate to photograph and circulate pictures of the froth on their coffees (and isn’t that everyone these days?) the perfect Christmas present would be the 3D Latte Foam Art Maker, enabling you to sculpt those foamy kitten heads in your own kitchen.
Of course, while you’re digitally operational in the toilet or frothing your coffee into cute animal shapes, scientists are beavering away, easing life’s path for you. Alas, sometimes they seem to be re-inventing the wheel. In the category of the bleeding obvious I’d put the recent discovery by European scientists that drinking alcohol removes sexual inhibitions.
Confirming what humans have known for millennia, Professor Matthias Liechti from Basel University Hospital, said, “Although many people drink beer and know its effects, there is surprisingly little scientific data on its effects on the processing of emotional social information. We found that drinking a glass of beer enhances positive emotional situations.”
Professor Wim van den Brink, from the University of Amsterdam, could only agree. “This is an interesting study confirming conventional wisdom that alcohol is a social lubricant that makes people happier, more social and less inhibited when it comes to sexual engagement.” I think “beer goggles” is the term for it.
Meanwhile, another scientific team has concluded that your mother was right: if you drop food on the floor it will pick up germs. Yes, and butter-side down is worse.
Donald Schaffner, a Rutgers University biologist and author of the food-on-the-floor research published in the journal Applied and Environmental Microbiology, said “Bacteria can contaminate instantaneously.” The more moist the food, the more bacteria it picks up. You can forget the ten-second rule.
On the subject of alcohol, science has come up with a perfume that makes the wearer smell of gin. Bombay Sapphire has created “a limited edition unisex fragrance that captures the citrus heart of gin.”
I remember a time (various old journalists comes to mind) when people went out of their way NOT to smell of gin. But apparently gin is a “bespoke fragrance” these days, as are (I’m not kidding) fragrances smelling like AC/DC and your favourite football teams. To smell like a Fremantle Docker costs $19.99; like an AC/DC Rocker only $4.99. That seems about right.
Incidentally, guess how many Americans have been accidentally shot by their dogs during the past five years? Six. One of the dogs was a chocolate Labrador named Trigger. His female owner had left her loaded shotgun on the ground with the safety off. Trigger stepped on the trigger.
You couldn’t make this stuff up. Guess how many Americans have recently been shot by their cat? (One, seriously.)
