Robert Drewe decides that there must be easier ways than writing to make a living, and decides, as the son of the President of the Oceanic Republic of Australia, to take his money-making idea to – where else? – Nigeria.
Dear Friend,
My Compliments. It is indeed my pleasure to write you this personal letter, which I believe will be a surprise to you in Nigeria as we have never met before, and I am deeply sorry if I have in any manner disturbed your privacy. Please forgive this unusual manner of contacting you by email, but this particular letter is of exceptional and very private nature and of great benefit to you alone.
Of course there is going to be great doubt and distrust in your heart in respect of this email, coupled with the fact that so many Australian individuals of dubious persuasion have gained a reputation for taking possession of the Internet to facilitate their nefarious deeds, thereby making it extremely difficult for genuine and legitimate Business-Class persons like ourselves to get attention and recognition. Nevertheless it is my frank duty to write and reach out to you.
I am the ex-Treasurer, former Minister for Mining and the Environment, and first son of the late President of the Oceanic Republic of Australia, Roy Drewe, who was criminally deposed in a palace coup two years ago. Before my father the President was overthrown by the Green rebels and forced to flee for sanctuary in Puluwat, in the Federated States of Micronesia, he deposited gold to the sum of $8 billion US dollars with a Swiss Security and Finance Company.
The former Vice-President, Minister for Water and Food Hoarding, and Head of the United Nations Peacekeeping Forces in South-Western Sydney (my brother Bill) has enabled the transportation of the bullion through Diplomatic Cargo via trusted high-up allies in Egypt. But ONLY if I have an equally trusted Partner to receive it on my behalf and to enable me to invest it in your country.
All I need from you is your agreement to receive the gold (do you have a big garage or shed?) and I will remunerate you with 30 per cent of the $US 8 billion. It is most important that I have your confidence in this transaction and that you do not betray me. To ensure mutual confidence and for easy communication and the urgent transfer of the gold to you, please in your reply include your full bank and credit-card details, home and mobile telephone numbers, residential and company addresses, birth date and mother’s maiden name. Our Italian leadership contact would also appreciate any spicy photographs of your teenage female relatives. (“Do they like to party?” he asks.)
Incidentally, if your repute is thus proven and you wish to benefit further from our repeated business dealings, the former Deputy President of the Oceanic Republic of Australia, and Chairperson of the Northern Australasian Bank and the Royal Mint (Mum), before her sudden departure to Micronesia in the Hercules aircraft carrying her handbags and shoes, has mandated the transfer to you of the sum of $US40 million, being your overdue payment from moneys owed to you by the Bank of Western Victoria. The UN Development Unit in conjunction with the US Government has agreed to compensate you. Please forward to me your complete banking and credit-card details, birth date, mother’s maiden name, etc. for immediate remittance into your bank account.
Furthermore (it is indeed your lucky day! Your boat, or perahu, has come in!) I wish to inform you of the release of the Micronesian El Gordo Sweepstake Lottery drawn on February 10, 2011 by an independent firm of accountants. Your name is attached to ticket no. 987878654 drawn randomly by computer from names in the telephone books of ten trustworthy international countries with head offices throughout Micronesia.
We have thus authorised the payment of the lump sum of $US 615,989 in the Security Company of Babeldaob, Micronesia. To claim the prize please urgently contact the eminent Professor Raymond Drewe of the University of Puluwat, the independent auditor providing the prize moneys. Your name has now gone into the Super Sweepstake, with the further excellent chance of good luck, if cousin Ray and I have anything to do with it. The sooner you send the details the more chance you have of gaining the major prize of $20 billion. Do not delay.
Step on it. Bank details. Birth date. Mother’s maiden name.
Best regards,
Your Australian Friend.
Robert Drewe.
